


You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone

by Living_Free



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bruce Feels, Crack, DaddyBats, Dick is a Good Brother, Feels, Fluff, Humor, M/M, batfamily, damian and tim have a heart to heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 17:49:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13440030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_Free/pseuds/Living_Free
Summary: The Joker is dead by the hands of the various Robins, past and present.Fearing their mentor’s wrath, the Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian go on the run, leading Bruce on a merry chase across the world in pursuit of his absconding sons.The journey allows the boys to form new bonds, strengthen old ones, and rediscover what truly bonds them together.





	You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone

No one knew that the battle over Wayne Tower would be the Joker’s last.

Jason might have wished for it numerous times, but it never seemed to happen. So one would overlook his shock at seeing the Joker’s body spread eagled on the floor with his eyes wide open and glassy. Even in death, his lips maintained their cruel, manic, grin.

Jason looked around at his brothers, each standing with their various weapons drawn, staring down in shock at the body. No one could determine which weapon has dealt the decisive death blow. Was it the blow to the head from Tim’s bo staff? The embedded projectile of Dick’s wingding in his neck? The three bullets shot point blank by Jason, or was it Damian’s sword, cutting an arch across the Joker’s spinal cord?

(Privately, Jason thought it was the the sword).

Looking down at the body, Jason let out a stunned chuckle. That chuckle turned into heaving gasps of hysterical laughter and then subsided into sobs of relief, or horror, or happiness that it was finally, finally, over.

“Hood...” Tim said softly, sounding as stunned as Jason felt, “what did we do?”

Jason’s eyes snapped up to look at Tim. “Oh,” he realized, “Batman.” Bruce wasn’t here. Ge didn’t know. “He’s going to kill us.”

At that, there was a sharp intake of breath, and Damian ran over to Dick, where he was scooped up and babied relentlessly. Tim slapped Jason lightly and glared at him. “Really?” Tim hissed. “You say that in front of the kid who worships the ground his emotional prune of a dad walks on? Come on!”

“I didn’t mean literally kill,” Jason tried to soothe Damian, “we’re pretty safe on that front. Just...he’ll be all mad and disappointed and grumpy.”

Damian let out an anguished wail. “I will fall from esteem in Father’s eyes! There can be nothing worse!”

Dick glared at Jason and gnashed his teeth at him, silently mouthing at him to stop while he was ahead. Jason fell silent and into deep thought, idly kicking the corpse that lay between them while Dick tried to comfort a distraught Damian.

“Hood, we need to do something,” Tim said lowly. “We killed a man.”

“So?” Jason shot back. “He deserved it. He wouldn’t be dead if he hadn’t tried to kidnap me again and hold me hostage, now would he?” Jason rubbed the raw bruises on his wrists where the Joker had tried to tie him up again. A crowbar lay discarded next to its former owner, unused for the purpose that the Joker has planned for it.

Joker had had Jason bound and gagged, a repeat of that fateful night of Jason’s first death. Only this time, the madman failed to take into account the absolute undiluted hatred Jason had powering his actions, and the extra fifty pounds of sheer muscle he had accumulated since then.

Hate and brute strength were very powerful tools for breaking ropes.

Your three siblings who were protective, adoring, and vindictive were also powerful tools in a fight against your kidnapper.

The fight had gone down, and at one crucial point, the Joker froze, looking at Nightwing approaching. Jason had forgotten that Dick had once killed the man in his name, the only one to do so. That had to have left a lasting impression with the Joker. Even a man as deranged as Joker was would be capable of a very rational fear of the one man who had already killed him once.

That moment of fear from the Joker was unprecedented, and effectively served as his downfall. He halted in his attack, but Tim’s staff did not. The momentum carried Tim’s attack, Dick’s wingding, and Damian’s sword through, and the Joker lay dead at their feet.

“No, he wouldn’t have,” Tim admitted, bringing Jason back to present time, “but we still need to get out ahead of this.”

“I’m not going to grovel at Batman’s feet,” Jason hissed, “or wait for his forgiveness or moral bullcrap.”

“I was going to suggest going into hiding,” Tim said archly.

“Say what?”

Tim sidled closer, dropping his voice so that Dick and Damian would not hear. “We’re all implicated, Hood. Any one of us could have caused this, and Bruce won’t wait to find out what or who. We need to get out ahead of this, and to do that, we need time and space. We need-“

“A safe house,” Jason said numbly, understanding. “You want us to run.”

“Temporarily,” Tim stressed. “Establish ourselves on firm footing before facing Bruce. We can’t do it when the body is still warm.”

“Okay,” Jason said slowly, surprised by Tim ruthless pragmatism. On the other hand, what had he expected from the boy who had led Wayne Enterprises to their most successful year at the age of sixteen? “So what about the body?”

“Leave it,” Tim said. “Let it be found. It’ll deter any other villains for some time, and give us the time we need to regroup and establish ourselves again.”

Jason took a deep, fortifying, breath before nodding. It was a sound plan. “We go together,”Jason said. “No splitting up. We’ll pool resources and work together.”

“Of course,” Tim snorted. “It’s only tactically sound.”

“And you love Dickwing too much to leave him.”

“Jay...”

“You love Dickhead, you love Dickhead!” Jason chanted teasingly, drawing an exasperated sigh from Tim.

“Your toxic masculinity is appalling. Of course I love him, he’s my brother. Just like you.”

Jason gasped dramatically before looking at Dick. “Okay, lovebird. How do we break it to Dickwing and the brat?”

Tim shrugged. “Why do I have to think of everything? You do it.”

Jason grinned and pulled Tim into a headlock, and then proceeded to put a gun to his head. “Hey!” He called to his brothers. Dick swiveled around and shrieked like a girl, while Damian pulled out his sword. “I’ve gone insane with happiness and I’m taking Red Robin as my hostage. If you want to save him, come quietly. Don’t, and I’ll kidnap him and...eat him,” Jason finished lamely. To emphasize his threat, Jason licked Tim’s cheek.

“Ugh,” Tim groaned, thoroughly creeped out.

“Disgusting, Hood!”

Dick sighed heavily and looked at Jason patronizingly. “Little wing, what are you doing?”

Jason stumbled, still holding Tim in a chokehold. “I told you, I’m taking him hostage. Now come quietly!”

Dick walked forward and patted Jason’s cheek in a motherly fashion. Ugh. It was a little disgusting how much Jason craved that maternal touch. It probably said something about his psyche and past trauma, but he didn’t want to look too closely at that just yet.

“Little wing, you don’t have to cover for us,” Dick said. “We’re in this together, Robins past and present. Tell us what you want to do.”

“I’m putting on a show for any surveillance cameras Oracle has pointed at us,” Jason admitted. “We need to get out of here before Bruce finds us, pool our resources, and make ourselves secure, because I’m sure as hell not going down for that maniac’s death, and I’ll be damned if Batman tries to take anyone else down for it too.”

Dick looked sad, and attempted to speak for their Father. “Maybe...he would understand. He’s our dad, guys.”

“Maybe,” Tim agreed. “But do you want to take that risk?” He asked, looking pointedly at Damian, who stood alone and wide-eyed.

Dick straightened up and put his hand atop Damian’s head. “No,” he said immediately, “I won’t play with his life, or any of yours. We’ll do what you said - the smart thing.”

“We’re running away?” Damian asked, sounding very much like the child he was. “From Father?”

“Yeah, baby,” Dick sighed, kneeling down to be at eye level with Damian. “Just for a little while, till he calms down. We don’t want him to make a rash decision when he sees us.”

“Where will we go? To Mother?”

“No, I don’t think the League is an option,” Dick said, “your Grandfather has a creepy crush on Timmy.”

“We can stay with Roy for a while,” Jason suggested.

“In Star City? Green Arrow’s turf? I thought we wanted to calm Bruce down, not agitate him more,” Tim said dubiously.

“Roy hates Ollie,” Jason explained. “Everyone hates Ollie. I don’t think Roy will betray our location to him. Dick? What do you think?”

Dick hesitated, but nodded. “Fine. We can get some essentials from there before moving on to the next place.”

“Okay then,” Jason said. “We’re going to Star City. Robins, Go!”

==========

Back at the Batcave

Bruce was numb, staring at the surveillance footage of the Joker’s corpse. Someone had done him in, at long last. Bruce could have laughed, but that would have ruined his aesthetic. Not to mention that it had been at the hands of his children.

“Oh my,” Alfred whispered in horror.

“Tell me about it.”

“Why is Master Jason licking poor Master Tim?”

“Why does Jason do anything?” Bruce seethed. Perhaps one of his more sane children would know. “Oracle, connect me to Nightwing,” Bruce demanded.

“Negative, Batman,” Barbara’s cool voice came through, “Nightwing has gone offline. As have Red Hood, Red Robin, and Robin.”

“What?” Bruce jerked back in shock. “Why? Track them, where are they?”

“Also negative, they crushed their trackers.”

“Use the secret one I stitched into Red Robin’s underwear,” Bruce ordered.

“Again, negative, he found that and urinated on it. It’s deactivated.”

Bruce swore colorfully and sat back heavily. They had run away. His children had run away from him for whatever reason their puny minds had come up with. Well, they wouldn’t get far.

They had a Bat on their tails.

==============

Roy Harper had not expected to ever play host to three billionaire kids and his best friend, but here he was, serving tea and biscuits (coffee was not proper, Dinah said) to Jason and his brothers.

“Not that I’m not delighted to have you, Jay, but why did your brothers tag along?”

“The Joker’s dead, Roy,” Jason said bluntly. Roy took a moment to register the words and compute them with the presence of the others in his house before nodding.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh. Can we kip here for a while?”

“Go for it,” Roy said magnanimously. “Mi casa es su casa.”

“This is hardly a casa,” Damian grumbled, eyeing the mousetrap in the corner of the room.

“Dami,” Dick said chastisingly, “Roy is offering to share his home with us. What do you say?”

“...thank you for your hospitality, Harper,” Damian gritted out begrudgingly. “Grayson, I’m tired,” Damian said abruptly.

Roy took Jason to the side. “Jay, I’ve only got one bed,” he said urgently.

“We’ll sleep on the floor. I’m not choosy, you know that, and Dick grew up in a circus trailer. We can rough it. Damian will be happy if he gets to monopolize Dick. Tim probably won’t sleep tonight.”

“What about you, then?” Roy asked.

Jason looked Roy dead in they eyes. “Roy, how do you feel about spooning?”

“I like being held and reassured that I am loved,” Roy answered, his tone equally serious.

Jason nodded. “Soft same. Then let the platonic cuddling begin.”

============

Damian woke to the sound of rhythmic tapping. He opened his eyes and saw that it was still late, and the sun had not deemed it necessary to rise yet, but that Drake had, and was working on his tablet. Damian lay still, revealing in the warmth of being surrounded by Grayson, whose arm was flung across Damian protectively. He would deny that they were cuddling, and were instead sharing body heat to make up for Harper’s shambles of a heating system.

They were totally cuddling.

And Damian was loving it.

“Drake,” Damian whispered, “cease your tapping! You will wake Grayson!” And he’ll move to cuddle you, went unsaid. Tim rolled his eyes and continued to work, enraging Damian further. “What are you doing, you simian!?”

“Saving our collective asses,” Tim muttered. “I’m wiping the security footage of us coming here, so Bruce can’t track us.”

“Oh.” Damian fidgeted unhappily, thinking of his father. “He would really turn us in?”

Tim stopped tapping, but didn’t look up. “I don’t know,” he admitted shortly, before adding, “but he put Jason in Arkham.”

“That was different.”

“It was his favorite son.”

“I thought that was Grayson,” Damian said softly.

Tim shook his head. “Dick and Bruce are...something else. More. They’re equals, and Bruce loves him differently. Dick too.”

“Like...a spouse?” Damian asked, horror setting in.

Tim snorted. “Oh god, no. Never,” he said quickly, looking up in time to see Damian relax. “Not the same as a spouse at all. There’s no romance or sex. But apart from that...”

Damian nodded. “Father trusts him.”

“More than anyone else in the world.” And we can’t even begin to have that.

“Grayson too?”

“Dick always said that he and Bruce were partners. Not just father and son. Partners. And he loves Bruce in a way I don’t think any of us can. He’ll defend Bruce. You saw that tonight.”

“So why didn’t he go back?” Damian asked.

“Because he loves you more,” Tim replied evenly. He tried not to sound bitter. It was just the truth.

Damian fell silent, pondering Tim’s words. “He loves you too.”

“I know,” Tim said. “Trust me, I know. But you’re different. You’re not just his brother, you’re like...” Tim stared at Damian. “You have someone who loves you more than anything in the world. Don’t mess it up, Dames.”

“I won’t,” Damian replied. Then, “Who do you love?”

“Everyone.” And who loves you?

“Even Todd?”

“Yes, even Jason,” Tim said, huffing in amusement. “Why wouldn’t I? He’s not some evil hentai squid monster. He’s my brother.”

“What is a hentai?”

Tim backtracked quickly. “Ask Jason in the morning. Now go back to sleep.”

There was silence as Damian snuggled back into Dick’s stomach. Tim smirked, thinking how much it looked like Damian was retreating into the womb.

“Drake.”

“Guh. What.”

“Do you love me too?”

Tim startled and looked at Damian. “You’re my brother.”

“That wasn’t an answer.”

“It was. Go to sleep.” Tim knew better than to ask Damian the same question.

“You sleep too,” Damian insisted, quickly adding, “your prattling will wake Grayson.”

Tim smiled to himself as Damian closed his eyes. He hadn’t asked the question, but it looked like he had an answer anyway.

============

“Jay.”

“Yeah, Roy?”

“Your little brother is staring at me,” Roy hissed.

“Which one?” Jason grunted.

“The dead looking one.”

“Timmy, it’s rude to stare,” Dick said mildly. “Eat your breakfast.” Tim blinked his orb like eyes slowly before returning to his cereal, sending shivers down Roy’s spine.

“I’m done,” Tim rasped. “May I wash up?”

“Of course. Roy, can we use your washroom?”

“Sure. Second on the left,” Roy answered, looking uncomfortably after Tim. He waited for the door to close before swiveling urgently back to Dick and Jason. “Oh my god, you guys! Why is he like that?”

“Like what?” Dick asked, confused.

“All stare-y and shit!l Roy stressed, flailing about.

“That’s just how Tim observes people,” Dick said calmly. “He was analyzing you. You should be honored, Roy. Timmy only analyzes people he likes.”

“...he likes me?”

At that moment, Tim came back. “Your faucet was leaking,” he informed Roy. “I fixed it for you,” he said, before floating away again.

“...thank you?”

Dick looked overjoyed. “Timmy has a crush on you!” he squealed.

“What. The hell.” Roy looked like his world had just turned upside down.

“Timbo’s got a crush on you,” Jason echoed his brother. “It’s blatantly obvious. He fixed your faucet, Roy. He was courting you.”

Roy looked caught between horror and intrigue, and stared discreetly after Tim. “...I suppose he’s...cute.”

“The cutest,” Dick agreed enthusiastically.

“I don’t think we mean the same thing,” Roy hedged. “Sure, he can court me. I’m a classy bitch, I like to be wined and dined.”

“If you hurt him, we’ll kill you,” Dick said seriously.

“And eat you.”

“Jay, what the hell,” Roy said, slightly disgusted. “You’re gross!”

Speaking of grossness...

“Todd, what is a hentai?”

It was a truly marvelous spit take.

“WHY!?”

“Dami, no!”

In the corner, Tim chuckled, unheard by all but Roy. Roy could appreciate a beau with a sense of humor. After all, there were worse things in the world than being courted by Red Robin.

==========

Later that night, the Bats took their leave of Roy. He bid them goodbye and went about his usual patrol, and when he finally got home, he was bone tired. Roy was just about to call it a night when his phone pinged, alerting him to a message.

An unknown number had sent him a video, which looked to be of Oliver from the thumbnail. Roy wrinkled his nose in disgust, and pressed the play button.

It started with Green Arrow on patrol, strutting around like he owned the city. Suddenly, a cheeky bo staff peeked out from around a corner, tripping Oliver and causing him to land flat on his face.

Roy burst out laughing and hit replay. He’d hit the boyfriend jackpot.

===========

“Where to now?” Jason asked, flicking a cigarette aside.

“...I have a place,” Dick said hesitantly. “In Jump City.”

“Ah, your old stomping grounds,” Jason snorted. “And your ragtag band of Titans won’t think to look for us there?”

“No, they don’t know about this place,” Dick said confidently. “It was left to me, and me only.”

“Whom by?” Tim asked astutely.

Dick shuffled his feet and muttered incoherently, blushing furiously. “Come again?” Jason asked incredulously. “Please tell me you said what I think you said.”

“Slade, alright? When I was with Slade, we lived at this safehouse,” Dick exploded, clearly embarrassed.

“And you still have the keys to this place?” Tim asked, clearly disbelieving. “Why didn’t he abandon it, or better yet, destroy it afterwards?”

“Because he continued to use the place,” Jason concluded, eyeing Dick slyly. “Dickie you dog, your milkshake gets all the hot middle-aged men in the yard.”

“It’s not like that!” Dick squeaked. “He likes me! He trains with me sometimes!”

“And you’ve never...shared a milkshake?”

Dick raised his chin and maintained a brave face despite the innuendos. “Never. He wanted a son, you creeps, and I’m the closest thing he has to it.”

“Hmm. Are you in his will?” Tim asked.

“...yes.”

“Bruce is going to flip,” Jason giggled. “Oh my god. You’re the heir to Deathstroke’s legacy!”

“Deathstroke is a formidable enemy,” Damian piped up, “and I, for one, am glad that Grayson has received training from the best - be it hero or villain.”

“I knew I could count on your support, Dami,” Dick cooed, and proceeded to smother him with affection.

“Welp, at least he won’t go to the dark side,” Jason remarked, looking at the disgustingly cutesy scene of Dick badgering a horrified and thrashing Damian with Love, despite the boy’s orders to cease at once, Grayson!

“No, but any more of that, and Damian might,” Tim said.

Chuckling, Jason and Tim swung after Dick and Damian, following the pair to Dick’s hidden safehouse. They landed in front of a deceptively decrepit looking building, underneath which was the most advanced base, its security and technology rivaling the best of Bruce’s.

Not Tim’s though.

“Amateur nonsense,” Tim scoffed, hacking into the security system. Just then, Dick’s   
phone started ringing.

“Hello? Oh, hi Slade! How are- oh. Timmy, Slade wants to know why someone is hacking into the wifi. I could have just given you the password,” Dick said, turning to his brother.

“Because I needed some intellectual stimulation in this troglodyte cave,” Tim grumbled. “And how come there’s only one bar!? Low signal strength! What the hell kind of cesspit is this!?”

Dick got back on the phone to Slade and relayed the insults, and listened while Slade promised Tim grievous bodily harm the next time that they met, and bemoaned the impatient, instant gratification, internet addicted millennial generation.

“Yes, I’ll tell him. Ok, thanks for the advice. Yes, you’re right, patience is a virtue. Goodnight, Slade,” Dick ended the phone call and turned to Tim. “Timmy, Slade says to tell you that you epitomize the impatient young millennial of today and that he’s going to whoop your butt the next time you two face off.”

“I look forward to seeing him hobble away like the old crone that he is,” Tim retorted. “I still don’t get why he likes you so much.”

“He obviously recognizes Grayson’s superior fighting ability and tactical prowess,” Damian piped up, “and soon, I will be privy to all of that knowledge.”

“How?” Jason asked.

“Grayson will impart it to me before I take on the mantle of Nightwing’s sidekick - Flamebird!” Damian informed him proudly.

Jason and Tim’s expressions softened despite themselves, and Dick lost his last shred of self-restraint and flung himself over Damian in an emotional hug.

“Oh, Dami,” Dick sniffled, “my brave, mature, boy!”

“Tt. There, there, Grayson,” Damian said primly, “calm yourself.”

“Dames, you don’t have to stop being Robin,” Tim said gently.

“I don’t have to,” Damian agreed, “but Robin is lost without Batman. However, Flamebird will rise from his ashes to take to the skies with Nightwing by his side!”

Dick dissolved into enthusiastic coos over Damian once more, leaving Jason and Tim to hover uncomfortably. Damian’s face split into a toad like smile at all the hugs that he was getting, forcing an image of Kermit the frog into Jason’s mind. He looked guiltily at Tim, mouthing the name of the aforementioned amphibian at him. Tim focused intently on Damian’s face before coming to the same conclusion and hastily smothered a snort of laughter.

“Enough with the snuggling, already,” Jason groaned.

“Yes, that is quite enough. Grayson, do you keep paints in this house?” Damian asked, breaking away from Dick. “I shall need to recolour my costume.”

As Damian dragged a simpering Dick away to discuss color schemes, Jason and Tim shared a knowing look. The superhero community would definitely remark on the sudden appearance of Flamebird, at the same time that Robin disappeared no less. It wouldn’t take a world class detective to make the connection between the two.

Unfortunately, they already had a world class detective in a dark fur suit on their tails, and he would read the change as their official defiance of him.

As necessary as the move was, the aftermath wasn’t going to be pretty.

==========

“Nightwing and Flamebird Take to the Skies,” Bruce read the headlines of the Gotham Gazette dumbly. He stared at the picture of Dick and a boy who was clearly Damian, the greens of his Robin outfit painted over with flaming oranges and yellows.

“Ah, the young masters are alright,” Alfred remarked, peeking at the paper over Bruce’s shoulder. “And doesn’t Master Damian look dapper in his new outfit?”

“In a surprise move which may mark a new era of cooperation amongst the Bats, Nightwing was spotted thrashing evildoers in Jump City, with his new sidekick, Flamebird. With them were Red Robin and the notorious Red Hood, the latter of whom threatened to lick this reporter if he did not stop asking them for a sound bite,” Bruce read.

“I don’t suppose Master Jason is hungry, do you, Master Bruce?” Alfred asked concernedly, “with all this talk of licking and eating...”

“He’s mutinous is what he is,” Bruce grumbled darkly.

“Oh come now, Master Bruce,” Alfred said mildly, “I’m sure everything would be sorted if you would just go and talk to the boys. After all, they’ve made their location known.”

Bruce put down the paper, his face set with grim determination. He was going to get some answers tonight, come hell or high water.

===========

While there certainly was no water in sight, this was very much hellish, Bruce decided as he pursued his runaway children across the rooftops of Jump City.

The four boys had just finished dealing with an army of evil robots when Jason spotted Bruce on a nearby rooftop. “Batcreep!” He cried, pointing. “Everyone, haul ass!”

And thus began a merry chase across the city, with Tim and Jason pelting Bruce with projectiles and smoke bombs while Dick ran alongside them, making hen-like clucking sounds of disappointment.

“Hood, don’t throw batarangs at your father!”

Bruce wasn’t supposed to have a favorite child, but Dick always had a special place in his heart, and that pretty much cemented his place as Number One Son.

“Shut up, Goldie! Just focus on hauling that great ass away!”

“Cease looking at Nightwing’s arse, Hood!”

Why was Jason so strange, Bruce wondered, dodging another projectile.

“Why do you speak with a British accent, you uppity gnome!?” Tim screamed, “you live in Gotham!”

“Silence, Red Robin! Focus on evading Father!”

Bruce sighed. Only his children would manage to have a conversation during a high speed airborne, chase. Suddenly, all of his children split up, going their own ways, effectively stymying Bruce. Cursing, he decided to go after Dick first. He would catch him and then lovingly interrogate him as to his siblings’ collective stupidity.

What ended up happening was that Bruce lost Dick when the younger man decided to make like a pretzel and stuff himself down an inhumanly narrow and twisted pipe, leaving Bruce to curse up a storm at the mouth of said pipe.

“Nightwing, come out right now!” Bruce thundered.

“No!” Dick called back, “not when you’re irrationally angry! You make the suckiest decisions when you’re angry!”

He had a point, Bruce mused. “Of course I’m angry, my four children committed manslaughter and ran away from home! Including the two minors!”

“...you’re worried?”

“Of course I’m worried!” Bruce seethed. “Son, this is ridiculous! We need to discuss what happened and take the appropriate steps to remedy the situation.”

“I’m not sorry that the Joker’s dead!” Dick cried defiantly, his voice echoing in the tube. “He deserved it!”

“It was still manslaughter.”

“You don’t love us!” Dick cried emotionally. “All you care about is your stupid sense of justice!”

“That’s the whole point of being Batman,” Bruce said.

“I don’t care about Batman!” Dick screamed. “I want my dad! I want him to tell me that he loves me and will protect me and my little brothers no matter what!”

“I do love you,” Bruce said softly. “I...”

“Just won’t protect us from Batman,” Dick finished sadly. “I hoped that you would be able to put him aside for us,” he said, sounding tearful, “but I see now that Little Wing was right. I have to protect my brothers, even from our own father.”

“Nightwing, no, wait-“ Bruce said urgently. Why was he so crap at this!?

“I love you, Bruce,” Dick whispered softly, before slithering down the pipe and into darkness, leaving Bruce standing alone at the other end with only his sense of justice and a broken heart to keep him company.

===========

I love you too, chum.

===========

“Damian bit Jason,” Tim said in greeting as Dick stepped into their hideout.

“Why?” Dick asked tiredly, already making his way to a distraught Damian.

“Todd was stroking me,” Damian spat.

“I was trying to comfort you, you hellspawn!” Jason cried. “It’s not my fault that you interpret every touch as hostile!”

“No, he doesn’t,” Dick sighed, and wrapped Damian in a hug to prove it. Damian allowed himself to sink into the embrace, but his frog-like smile of satisfaction was notably missing. “What’s wrong, Dami?”

“Father hates us, doesn’t he?” Damian asked, turning wide eyes on to Dick. “He came after us to take us in.”

Dick heaved a great sigh and gestured for the rest of his siblings to gather around. “Listen, guys, I think we’re going to have to lay low for a while longer. That means no crime fighting, no going to the grocery store, and no drawing any attention to ourselves. Bruce is...”

“Unhinged in his impossible battle for unequivocal justice that will never come to be?”

“Uncaring of the emotional trauma suffered by his kids?”

“A great big hunk of baloney?”

“A massive turdcake?”

“Bruce is having a hard time reconciling being a dad and having to be Batman,” Dick said sternly, as Jason rolled his eyes.

“Preposterous!” Damian cried.

“Preposterous!” Jason echoed, nailing Damian’s uppity manner and prim voice. Damian gave a little shriek and threw his shoe at Jason, hitting him in the nose before turning back to Dick.

“How come Father is so conflicted?” He demanded of Dick. “He should love us more than anything! If you can do it, why can’t he!?”

Dick blushed at Damian’s overt praise. “Well, Bruce is a little thick, but he’ll get it in the end. In the meantime, we have to take care of each other. That means no losing your temper,” he directed the comment at Jason, “to eat proper meals on time,” he said to Tim, “and to remember that we are all brothers, who love each other very much, especially Tim.”

Damian clearly struggled with the last one, but was coerced with a light kiss to the top of his head. The Toad Grin returned, and Damian nodded before going off to bed.

“You know he looks like Kermit when he smiles, right?” Jason said to the room in general. “It’s not just me, right?”

“No, totally,” Tim said, “I see it too. I just wonder...Damian looks so much like Bruce, right?”

“Yeah...” Dick said hesitantly.

“So, does Bruce look like a frog when he smiles too?”

Jason burst out laughing, and Dick rolled his eyes. “Go to bed, Timmy, you’re rambling.”

“Bruce is a secret frog. He is Frogman,” Tim mumbled tiredly, rubbing his eyes. “Defender of the swamp.”

Dick joined Jason in uproarious laughter, glad that they could find something to laugh about in these trying times.

==========

It was Jason who hit upon the plan for their next hideout.

“Where is the one place that Bruce is not allowed to set foot on, purely due to his having a penis?”

“Ugh. Bruce’s penis,” Tim shuddered. “Stop it! You’re making me think of genitals and family at the same time!”

“Themyscira,” Damian said. “The Amazon island.”

“Jay, we can’t hide there either,” Dick said, “we all have penises.”

“Yes, but we all look very fetching in drag,” Jason said. “Ladies, suit up!”

And that was how the four boys found themselves rowing to Themyscira under the cover of darkness, decked in wigs and gladiatorial armor. “Here’s the plan,” Jason whispered. “Dick, you and me are a couple, ok? Damian, you’re our magical lovechild, and Tim, you’re the loner nerd kid who stayed over one night and never left.”

“Hey!”

“Dick, you’re going to be called Dica, I’m Jayne, Damian is Damiana, and Tim, you’re Timothea,” Jason assigned their aliases. “Our cover story is that we moved here from the ruins of the sister island of Bana-Mighdall to make a new life. Now, boob check!” Jason and Dick adjusted their fake breasts while Tim frowned at his flat chest.

“How come I don’t get boobs?”

“Of course you don’t, Timmy, you’re just a child!” Dick trilled.

“You’re going to be a terrible empty nester,” Jason snorted at his older brother.

The boys soon discovered that they fit in wonderfully in the warrior culture of the Amazonian paradise. The women were incredibly welcoming and helpful to their fellow females, and had soon set them up with a small house.

Dick and Jason quickly found jobs at a nearby training center, Dick training the young recruits in flexibility and Jason putting the aspiring soldiers through endurance and strength training.

Separated from his precious wifi, Tim was put to work as the quartermaster’s apprentice, where he spend his time making modifications to make Amazonian blades and shields more lethal than they had any right to be. He also gained an admirer in the form of Bertha The Crusher, who towered over him and easily outweighed Jason. Bertha made it a point to leave courting gifts for Tim, ranging from fruit baskets to battle helmets.

Damian was deemed too young to work, and attended a training school throughout the day. There, he learnt to do battle and strategy planning. His favorite classes were Skull Crushing 101 and Why Zeus Is A Massive Turd 204.

“Did you know,” Damian said over dinner one night, “that if you apply enough force at the correct angle, you can crack someone’s skull with a spoon?”

“Ooh, do tell, Dami,” Dick said, engaging his little brother in conversation. “Timmy, pass the mash, please.”

Jason grinned and listened to his brother prattle on animatedly. This was really an idyllic life, he mused. Well, as idyllic as it could be when you’re hiding your genderu and in a fake relationship with your older brother, and passing off your younger brother as your daughter.

“How’s your day been, Timmy?” Dick asked, breaking Jason’s thought process.

“Bertha’s been courting me,” Tim mumbled. “She painted a miniature portrait of me to carry with her into battle.”

“You have to let her down easy,” Dick advised him, “Bertha’s a nice lady.”

“I know,” Tim sighed heavily. “I miss Roy. I can’t even text him here.”

Jason nodded understandingly and thumped Tim’s back in a bro like manner. “I get it, Timbo,” he said, “we’ll move again soon, and you can put your unnaturally large cock into action again.”

“My penis is fine,” Tim gritted out.

“It is exceedingly large,” Damian spoke up. “You scared Father in the communal changing rooms. I posit that it is due to a mutation. Are you quite sure that it is not prehensile?”

“I’m sure,” Tim said, as Dick choked on his peas. “I tested it, it’s completely normal.”

“No penis talk at dinner!” Dick shrieked. “Timmy, you have to say something to Bertha, let her down easy.”

Tim gulped. This was going to be hard.

============

“Um, Bertha?”

“Yes, my wispy flower?”

Tim frowned as Bertha chuckled. “I...um...need to tell you that although I’m flattered by your attentions-“

“Ah, say no more, Timothea,” Bertha interrupted, “I understand. You are not required to return my feelings.”

“I’m, ah, not?” Tim asked nervously.

“Of course not,” Bertha snorted. “Although I trust that we will still band together to destroy our enemies?”

“Oh, yes, certainly,” Tim replied eagerly. “Bertha...thanks.”

“Think nothing of it, darling,” Bertha waved off Tim’s shy thanks, “Although my dear cousin will be let down by the news. Diana thought that I was finally settling down.”

Ah, hello, anxiety attack. Long time no faint.

“Diana? As in Wonder Woman?” he squeaked.

“The same,” Bertha grinned. “I sent her a charcoal etching of you, you know, to let her see what a beauty my love was - and now, friend,” she said kindly. “Ah, Hegel is calling for me,” she said waving at an approaching woman, “I must leave you now, Timothea. Fare thee well.”

The minute Bertha turned away, Tim was dashing off to his hut. He threw himself inside and yelled, “We’ve gotta go, Bruce is coming!”

“Calm down, Tim,” Dick said, hurrying forward, “Bruce can’t get us here. Tell us what happened.”

Tim rehashed his conversation with Bertha, and once he had finished, cried out, “Bruce can’t get us here, but Diana can! And she’s going to be pissed!”

“That’s it,” Jason said, jumping up, “Dick you grab Damian from school, Tim, you pack, and I’ll ditch the fake boobs. We leave at nightfall. Robins, Go!”

=============

That minute, aboard the Watchtower...

“Put it away,” Clark hissed, “Bruce is coming!”

Diana quickly hid the note from Bertha, containing the picture of her crush. With the mood that Batman had been in after his children ran away, it would not be seemly to flaunt another’s familial happiness in front of him when the wound of abandonment was so raw.

“Batman,” Diana and Clark greeted their friend somberly, adopting funeral appropriate expressions of seriousness.

Bruce came to a halt, staring at his idiot comrades. “You’re not helping,” Bruce said bluntly. “What’s that?” He asked, gesturing to the note.

“My dearest cousin has sent me a picture of her paramour,” Diana mumbled, handing the picture over, “I think that the girl is most fetching, and would be a lovely match for Bertha.”

“Bertha?”

“Bertha The Crusher,” Diana said. “You’ve met her, remember, on that mission to Greece? She was the one who was crushing people.”

Bruce flinched at the memory of crushed enemy heads. “She killed over twenty people with her bare hands,” he remembered with a shudder.

“Yes, she is most formidable,” Diana said agreeably. When she spotted Bruce glaring at her, she scoffed. “Oh, come now, Batman. Amazonians did not survive for thousands of years because we let our enemies live. I only stopped because of you.”

“Well, I hope Bertha will be very happy crushing her enemies with...Tim,” Bruce tapered off, looking down at the picture.

“No, her name is Timothea,” Clark said.

Bruce glared at his oldest and closest friend. This man leads the Justice League, he thought in mild horror. Clearing his throat, Bruce said, “I think I would recognize my own son in drag, thank you.”

Diana shot up as though someone had lit a fire beneath her. “Your son is on Themyscira!?” She bellowed.

“Not for long,” Bruce vowed, stalking towards the jet. “Diana, set coordinates for the island. We’re going to find my kids.”

==========

“Diana, why have you brought the Batman back to our island?” Queen Hippolyta demanded. “You know that no man shall set foot on the pure soil of our home.”

“He isn’t on our soil, mother,” Diana said, hitching Bruce higher in a bridal carry in her arms. Bruce quickly put his arms around Diana’s broad shoulders to stabilize himself and glared at her many sisters who were sniggering at his plight. “Batman comes to us with a mission to find his lost children.”

Hippolyta’s expression softened as she took in the man before her. “Why do you think your children have found their way to our island, Batman? Are you sure that these thoughts are not just delusions of a desperate father?”

Bruce fished out the picture of Tim and held it out. “Your Majesty, this picture of my son Tim was sent to Diana by her cousin. I can recognize my boy.”

“Nonsense,” Hippolyta said, squinting at the picture, “that is no Tim, that is our very own Timoth- oh,” she gasped, as Bruce held up another picture of Tim, this time dressed in his usual hoodie and jeans and gripping an unnecessarily large coffee mug.

“Please, your Majesty,” Bruce begged, “my idiot children are on the island. They ran away from me, believing that I didn’t love them anymore. I have to get them to come home.”

“The rest of your children are Dica, Jayne, and Damiana, I assume,” the Queen remarked. “What happened that gave them that idea, Batman? To lose the love of your children is no small thing.”

“They...killed a man,” Bruce admitted, feeling a pang in his stomach at the admission.

“And?” Bruce looked up in shock at the Queen’s words. Hippolyta huffed and sat back in her throne. “Batman, did they kill a man in battle?”

“Yes, but-“

“Was the man fighting them?”

“Yes-“

“Was the man fighting them nobly?”

“Well, no, but-“

“Was the man prepared to kill your children?”

“Yes! But-“

“Did your children set out with the intent to kill this man?”

“I don’t-“

“Was this man a villain?”

“Amongst the worst, but it still-“

“But what, man?” Hippolyta interrupted him. “It sounds as though this villain met his end while trying to do evil, and your children were trying to stop him. They did not set out to deliberately end his life, but that he was a casualty of his own making.

“Justice is not easy, Batman,” she continued, “it is hard won, and we do lose a bit of ourselves in the war to see justice done. It is the sacrifice any warrior of the light must make. It is a pity that your young children have bloodied their hands in their bid to do good, but the blood is not a taint. Not in this regard, at least.”

“They were supposed to be heroes,” Bruce said desperately, “preservers of life, not bringers of death!”

“We try, Bruce,” Diana said softly, “but at the end of the day, we are but warriors. And there is but one guarantee in war.”

“We can only know our hearts, Batman,” Hippolyta said gravely, “and you must trust that your sons’ hearts were pure. So,” she said, leaning forwards, “do you trust your sons, Batman?”

Bruce fell silent, thinking on the Queen’s words. He thought about Dick, his oldest, his responsible, dependable, right hand, and his most trusted advisor. His ray of sunshine, his cereal guzzling little bird.

He thought about Jason - poor, angry, Jason, who had set aside his bullets just for the family, and secretly liked to bake jiggly cheesecake and force Tim to eat it.

Oh, Tim. Skinny, brainy, brilliant, Tim. Capable of untold destruction and world domination, but put his powers to use protecting everyone instead, and developing genetically modified coffee beans.

And Damian. Tiny, angry, lethal, Damian, who had blood on his hands from infancy. Loyal, devoted, stubborn, Damian, who chose to do good and rejected his heritage of evil. Bruce’s heart stuttered painfully at the thought of his little boy running from city to city, believing that his own father was hunting him.

“I’m a fool,” Bruce whispered.

“I find that men usually are,” Hippolyta declared. “We will fetch your sons, Batman.”

At that moment, Hedris the Wise rushed in. “My Queen! Dica and her family have left! She took Damiana out of class, and bid me farewell forevermore!”

Hippolyta swore in a manner that would have made Hades blush. Several of her courtiers, including her daughter, flinched.

“I’m so sorry, Bruce,” Diana whispered sadly at the man in her arms. Bruce wordlessly tightened his grip around his friend, seeking comfort that he knew he was undeserving of. Heart breaking for her best friend, Diana addressed her mother, “Thank you for your assistance and wisdom mother. We shall take your leave now.”

“Fare thee well, my child,” Hippolyta said somberly before addressing Bruce, “I hope you regain your children’s trust, Batman.”

“I will, your Majesty,” Bruce replied, his voice straining traitorously on the last word. “Even if it’s the last thing I do.”

==========

“Where to now?” Tim asked softly, huddling close to Dick on the boat. Jason rowed mechanically, fresh out of ideas and detesting himself fo letting his brothers down. It was cold, and the seas were choppy - an overall terrible time to leave the island.

“I don’t feel good,” Damian muttered. The boy looked distinctly green, and he swayed slightly as Dick pulled him close. Jason rowed faster, intent on getting to their jet- one of Tim’s hidden Redbird planes - that was parked on an isolated island before Damian threw up.

“Hold on, Dami,” Dick whispered comfortingly, “Jay is rowing as fast as he can.”

“Land ho,” Tim muttered, throwing his arms up in the air feebly.

Dick carried a tried and woozy Damian to the plane and quickly started the engine up, intent on getting to civilization. Tim guided Damian to a seat and allowed his brother to rest his head on his chest and catch a few winks while he could. “Jason, we need to get to a safehouse fast,” Dick whispered hurriedly, “Damian is getting tired. We can’t move if he’s compromised.”

“We’re out of safehouses,” Tim said frustratedly. “And we’ll need to ditch this plane soon too, Bruce will be able to hack into my GPS system before long.” Tim felt Damian’s head stirring on his chest and looked down. “Damian, wake up, you’re dreaming,” he said, patting the boy’s head gently.

Damian woke up with a jerk, and looked around worriedly before sinking back into his chair. “Bad dream, Dami?” Dick asked, stroking his hair.

“I saw Batcow,” Damian admitted. “She was mooing for me. Her udders were full to bursting, and they were going to explode because I wasn’t there to milk her- do you think she’s alright?” he asked worriedly. “Is she being milked? Did Father remember to feed Titus, and Alfred-“

“I’m sure that the animals are okay, Damian,” Dick reassured him, “Alfie would’ve taken care of them.”

“That’s it!” Jason crowed suddenly, “I know a safe spot for us, and it’s all thanks to Damian’s animal collection!”

“Where, the zoo?” Tim snorted.

“No,” Jason grinned, turning to face his brothers. “Close, though”. Dick met his brother’s eyes and suddenly understood, a smile spreading over his own face.

“The Kent Farm.”

============

Little Jon Kent walked into the barn bright and early one morning to milk Bessie the cow. Bessie greeted the strange bipedal Jon-calf with a nibble on his ear, and allowed him to extract her milk. She wondered what he was doing with it - he was far too small and skinny to be drinking it all, surely.

“Moooo,” Bessie chastized the Jon-calf. You need to drink more milk.

“Good morning to you too, Bessie,” Jon chirped.

Bessie shook her head in exasperation. Silly, daft, calf.

Jon went on milking Bessie until he heard a sneeze. “Why, bless you, Bess.” Bessie stared incredulously at Jon and whacked him with her snout. “Ow!” He cried indignantly, before realization dawned on him. “Who’s there!?” He yelled, standing ready to attack, “show yourself!”

“Tt.”

Jon peered into a nearby haystack and moved some hay out of the way to reveal his best friend. “Dami!”

“Quiet, Kent!” Damian hissed. “We are on the run!”

“Hi, Jon!”

“Hey, Jono.”

“ACHOO!”

Everyone popped their heads out of the bale of hay to greet Jon. Jon beamed at his favorite superfamily and reached around for hugs. “Oh my god, you guys!” Jon squealed. “I heard that you killed the Joker to rescue Jason! That was so brave of you!”

“You think so?” Damian asked hesitantly.

“Of course! You saved Jason from that evil man! Gosh, it must have been so awful, but you were all so brave, and so clever! You escaped the Batman!” Suddenly, Jon’s face fell. “But Uncle Bruce is really sad,” he said, “dad brought him home yesterday, and his eyes were all red like he had been crying, and he was drinking lots of The Alcohol,” he added, his vice dropping to a scandalous whisper. “Then he fell asleep on the couch, and cried some more while dad hugged him real tight.”

Tim sniffled and looked at his brothers. “Is Bruce really that upset?”

“Wouldn’t you be, Drake?” Damian asked. “You would be in shambles if I left you. Why, I can’t even fathom what would happen to you three if I were to leave.”

“...and there’s HMS Ego again,” Tim mumbled. “ACHOO!”

“Bless you.”

“Fanks,” Tim groaned, his head cold affecting his voice. “Guh, I feel like that cow crapped on me, then trampled over my face, and then rolled all over me.”

“Are you alright, Timmy?” Jon asked, concerned, “you look like an old chicken.”

“It’s his hayfever,” Jason said, smoothing Tim’s hair over his head. “Is there a warm, dry, loft here?” he asked.

Dick pressed his lips to Tim’s forehead before humming. “He definitely has a fever,” he confirmed. “Is everyone else alright?” He asked, and quickly kissed the rest of his brothers. “Hmm. You’re a little warm, Jay.”

“Dick you slobbery twit,” Jason cursed, wiping Dick-cooties off of his forehead. Damian was sporting his Kermit Grin again, and Jon looked up expectantly for his display of affection.

“Aww,” Dick cooed, and bestowed Jon with his own kiss. “Jon, can you do me a favour?” He asked, “can you not mention to anyone that we’re here? Please?”

Jon nodded vigorously, blushing brightly. “Sure thing, Dick!”

“Also, could you tell us when Bruce is nearby? That would really help,” Jason suggested.

“Umm...”

“What?” Jason asked hesitantly.

“Uncle Bruce is in the living room,” Jon blurted out. “He’s asleep with dad and mom on the sofa. He never left last night.”

The silence that followed was broken only when Bessie decided that that was quite enough food, thanks, and voided her bowels with a large stool and a noisy passage of wind.

“Haul ass!” Jason cried, throwing Damian over his shoulder. “Dick, grab the other one, and follow me!”

“No one is hauling anyone anywhere,” a calm voice said. Everyone turned the see the barn doors being flung open to reveal none other than Superman himself.

“Damn, it’s the Supes! Cheese it!” Jason yelled, and tried to run away with Damian now slung over his back like a tiny backpack, only to be intercepted by Clark’s meaty forearm to his neck.

“Uncle Clark!” Dick squeaked.

Clark turned to Dick while lifting a struggling Jason of off the ground. “Dick,” he said sadly, “I’m so very disappointed in you.”

Dick gave a tremulous gasp and put a hand to his chest. “Oh,” he said faintly, wobbling backwards into the haystack. Clark reached out to steady him and pulled him into a hug.

“Dick, I was so worried,” Clark said. “Do you know how scared I was when I heard that you and your brothers had run away from Bruce? You could have been anywhere, in who knows what situation!”

“We were frightened of what Bruce would do,” Dick defended their actions, “we thought he would deal with us like Batman, instead of as our dad, and we are right! He hunted us all over the world. I just wanted to keep my brothers safe,” he ended sadly.

“Oh, Dick,” Clark said, maneuvering the young man into a one armed hug, “why didn’t you just come to me? I would’ve taken care of all of you.”

“We killed a man-” Jason started to say.

“An odious villain!” Damian interrupted.

“-fine, odious villain. But we still killed him. Why would you defend us?”

“Um, because you killed an odious villain who was about to kill you? Jason,” Clark said amusedly, “have you seen the local news in Gotham? You’re heroes. They had a parade for you to celebrate killing the Joker.”

“What!?”

“Yeah, there were floats, and music, and cotton candy,” Jon tacked on. “Dad took me to the city last week. Dad got a Red Robin Raspberry cone, mom had a Red Hood Cherry Choco Pie, and I got a Nightwing Blueberry Cotton Candy Swirly, it was delicious.”

“What flavour was I?” Damian asked, intrigued.

“Mint.”

“Disgusting!”

“Oh, you weren’t the worst,” Jon reassured him, “Batman was licorice flavoured. No one bought any.”

“Boys,” Clark called over the flavour discussion, “I would have protected you no matter what. I think that the Joker got what was coming to him, and that his death was an accident. I saw the footage, he froze in the middle of the fight. You didn’t do anything wrong,” he said calmly, “and I wish that I could have helped you to see that earlier.”

“Oh, Uncle Clark!” Dick cried emotionally, flinging himself into Clark’s broad chest. “We’re so sorry!”

“It’s alright, boys,” Clark smiled reassuringly. “I’m just glad that you’re safe, and home at last. Shall we go inside?”

“Bruce is in there,” Jason said doubtfully.

Clark set Jason and Damian down and fixed all the boys with a stern look.”Your father was in a right state,” he said. “I hope that you never know the horror of losing your children. Bruce experienced it four times over these past couple of months, and he’s barely holding it together. I know that you were scared, but you need to give him more credit.

“Bruce isn’t one dimensional. Batman is his biggest job, but not even that could come close in importance to being a good father. And he is, isn’t he?”

“Yes, he is.”

“Whatever.”

“He is more than adequate.”

“Muh.”

Everyone looked over at the cow, whom Tim was supporting himself weakly on. “Timmy!” Dick cried in horror, “you’re sick! We completely forgot!”

“Story of my life,” Tim mumbled, before flopping over into a haystack and going still.

“Drake is deceased!” Damian screamed in horror. At his words, Jon started to cry.

“He’s just sleeping, I can hear his heartbeat,” Clark said calmly, “he’s very sick, though.”

“Drake is diseased!” Damian cried. “Quick, herd the cows away, lest he contaminate them!”

Clark rolled his eyes as Dick gaped at Damian trying to push against a cow’s rump with Jon’s help, while Jason fell apart laughing. Clark proceeded to pick Tim up, and gestured for the rest of the boys to follow him.

The first thing they saw when they entered the living room was Bruce, fast asleep on the sofa with his head on Lois’ lap. Lois was sprawled in an ungainly pose, her head lolling off of the armrest.

“Darling?” Clark called.

Lois stirred angrily in her sleep. “This had better be good, Clark,” she groaned, and opened her eyes. Seeing the missing Batboys assembled around Clark, and Tim dangling from his arms, she sat up. “Ok, you win. Bruce, get up,” she said dislodging Bruce’s big head from her lap, “your kids are home.”

“Holy anticlimactic announcements, Batman,” Jason drawled.

“Lois reports live from disaster and war zones,” Clark said. “After you throw your recorder at the leader of an alien invasion, everything else kind of pales in comparison.”

“Says you,” Lois grumbled, “you didn’t have to push your big headed son out of your vagina.”

“I have never loved you more,” Clark said sincerely. “Bruce, wake up before I give you a good morning kiss.”

“I’m up, I’m up,” Bruce growled, sitting up, “Clark if you kiss me with your chapped lips again, I’ll-“ Bruce stopped, staring at his children. “I-I-my-“ he stuttered uselessly, until Damian ran up to him and tugged on his arm.

“Father! Father! Do something, Drake has taken ill, and he smells like manure!”

“Oopsie,” Clark grimaced and tugged off Tim’s boot coated in poo and handed it over to Jason, who set it outside.

Bruce looked like he was deciding between fainting or yelling, but settled for Option number three - diagnosing Tim.

“Is it his hayfever?” Bruce asked, putting a hand to Tim’s cheek.

At the contact, Tim whined and made like an octopus, slithering up Bruce’s arm until he was hanging between Clark and Bruce like an indecisive lemming.

“Traitor,” Jason hissed at him, and was rewarded by a slap from Dick. “Ow.”

Tim heard the insult, but couldn’t bring himself to care. He was cold, and sick, and tired, and he wanted his dad to make it better, already. “Brooose,” Tim whined, “Broooose...”

Bruce scooped Tim out of Clark’s arms and cradled his too-thin child to his chest where Tim wriggled around like a sickly snake. Lois directed Bruce back to the sofa, where had at down slowly, still holding Tim and looking like he had just been surprised by a visit from his estranged children.

Oh, right.

“Bruce?” Dick started hesitantly, “how, um, are you?”

“If you try and turn us in, I’ll kill everyone here and eat the evidence!” Jason yelled.

“Disgusting, Todd!” Damian cried, “Do you really think that you could eat Superman? You would break your teeth on his muscles!”

“Aw, thanks, Damian,” Clark said.

“You would need to roast him over a kryptonite fire to even begin to tenderize his meat!”

“Oh, no,” Clark flinched.

“No one will eat Clark,” Bruce declared authoritatively. He took a deep breath and looked at Dick. “Son,” he said, “my four children ran away from home and essentially told me that I couldn’t be trusted, and I’m holding my sick child in my arms. How do you think I am?” he asked, his voice cracking.

Dick’s face fell and he squished himself against Jason, who railed at Bruce. “No way, you old frog, you don’t get to talk to him like that - not after chasing him all over Jump City trying to arrest him! Dick was doing what you should have done and tried to keep us safe!”

Bruce’s face crumpled pathetically, bringing Jason’s tirade to a halt. “I messed up,” he confessed, “I know. And I’m sorry,” he said, looking beseechingly at Dick and Jason, “for making you think that you couldn’t trust me. I’m sorry for making you assume responsibility for your little brothers, and I’m sorry that I didn’t put my children first.”

“Your innocent children,” Damian stressed. “We did not premeditate Joker’s death. Had he not kidnapped Todd, he would have never died in the first place.”

“I’m sorry,” Bruce stressed. He reached out and scooped Damian into his lap. “Will you forgive me? I promise that I’ll be a better father from now onwards, to all of you.”

“Oh, Bruce!” Dick surged forwards and threw himself at Bruce, landing on top of Tim and Damian and squishing them all into his hug. “Bruce, I missed you!”

“I missed you too, Dickie.”

“I love you!”

“I...love you too,” Bruce said, feeling a warm glow spread from his chest to his fingertips as he said the words aloud. “Jay?” he asked, looking entreatingly at his son.

“No.”

“You don’t love me, or you don’t want a hug?”

“...the hug.”

“Jay!” Dick screeched and stretched over to grab Jason and bring him into the hug. Jason fought desperately to break his grip, but failed. He had long suspected that Dick’s love was of superhuman strength, and this just confirmed it. He settled into the group hug grumpily. allowing someone (Bruce) to place a kiss on top of his head.

“What a beautiful moment,” Lois cooed, and then turned to her own son. “Jon, if you ever try to run away from me, I will find you and then ground you till you’re thirty.”

“Yes ma’am,” Jon gulped.

“Bruce, would you like pancakes?” Lois asked.

“If it’s not too much trouble,” Bruce replied, his voice choked with emotion.

“Great! Clark, honey, the batter’s in the fridge.”

“Okay,” Clark said, flouncing away.

“Jon, could you finish milking Bessie?” Lois asked.

“Okay,” Jon said, looking jealously at the hug fest going on on the couch. Lois grinned and scooped her son up, and cuddled him all the way to the barn, leaving the Bats alone in the sitting room.

“Hey, Bruce,” Jason piped up, “how did you know what Clark kissing you felt like?”

Bruce panicked and dislodged all of his children. “W-what?”

“Yeah,” Dick said, “you said that you didn’t want Clark to kiss you with his chapped lips. Again. So when did he kiss you before?”

Damian, Jason, and Dick all looked expectantly at Bruce, while Tim single-mindedly crawled towards the kitchen to get some coffee. His progress was halted when Bruce scooped him up again, and said, “Never you mind, let’s go home.”

“But Superman is making pancakes,” Damian said.

“Alfred makes them better,” Bruce said, ushering his children outside and bunging them into the car.

“But Bruce-“

“Quiet! I’m Batman!” Bruce cried, giving his universal excuse, and gunned the accelerator, speeding away to Wayne Manor.

After all, there was no place like home.

 


End file.
